I’ve been feeling like a grade A garbage girl lately.
Over time, I’ve convinced myself not to try as hard at work because it isn’t my dream job. I’ve convinced myself to be easy on myself, let myself drop a math class, let myself get cozy on the couch. As much as I believe in self-love, I think I’ve gotten a little too used to Netflix, sleeping in, and skipping bike rides.
I have, however, been putting myself “OUT THERE.” Very scary, folks. I’m a part-time hermit, so when an old friend and a new friend invited me out this week, it was a change of pace.
When you allow yourself to become a hermit, give in to your anxiety and lock yourself in your home, become best friends with yourself, or all of the above, like me, it’s weird going out in public with new friends.
It was like I convinced myself I was socially awkward, so I became socially awkward.
I’m slowly becoming self-aware (I seem to switch between vegan power juicer cyclist and couch potato every other week), and although working at a computer store can be a little depressing when customers can’t live without their devices for 2-3 days, I do enjoy many things done on computers like code, design, and digital editing, and I can’t do it without old faithful.
Here’s a list of things I’ve come up with to feel less garbage-like.
1. Wake TF up
For the next week, I intend to wake up 15 minutes earlier than the previous day (8am tomorrow, 7:45 Sunday, 7:30 Monday, etc). I’ve been pushing it until the last possible minute lately, and I hate being the last to arrive at work.
I’ve also been falling asleep watching movies on my couch like every single night, or crashing at my boyfriend’s house and sleeping in because I’m just really good at it. My plan is to sleep in my own bed without my phone or my computer, with my curtains open, so the sun wakes my ass up. My cat will be very pleased.
2. Plan my outfits
Since I have a work t-shirt, I rarely pick out my outfits, but it still makes me anxious finding clean jeans or leggings that aren’t see-thru.
I used to be a brainwashed Buddhist meditation rockstar. Now, that I am out of that dysfunctional relationship, and my cult leader ex-boyfriend is out of my life, meditation kinda freaks me out. After you’ve spent months of daily hour-long meditation sessions, going back can seem impossible. If your mind is anything like mine, it takes a lot of practice to be able to actually focus on a particular meditation. No, I don’t mean, just sit back and daydream. I mean, actually focus on your breathing without being preoccupied by life’s stupid events. Honing in on your breathing is harder than finding a clear radio station in the middle of northern Arizona. This is going to take work. That’s why my goal is only 10 minutes before bed and 10 minutes in the morning, after yoga.
4. Yoga, bitch!
This will be pretty easy. I am naturally inclined to do yoga when I want to avoid homework, but I’m too lazy for a bike ride. 15 minutes twice a day. Reminder to make this yoga mat spray asap.
5. Eat regularly and well.
My diet is pretty on it. I don’t have much I want to change here besides trying not to buy chips, planning my meals, and preparing my meals, so I don’t leave the house without plans for breakfast, lunch, dinner, and snax.
6. Ride my bike as often as possible.
I’ve been skipping the bike rides, and my body has been feeling it. I intend to ride to work on Saturday (tomorrow), and go for long rides on Sunday and Monday.
7. Wash my face every night and every morning.
This is something I can be pretty bad at, and it’s so easy.
7. Keep minimizing.
I’ve gotten rid of a ton of things by minimizing my lifestyle, but I still have a ways to go. My goal is to get rid of three pieces of furniture and donate some more clothing I don’t wear.
8. Work toward a goal.
While I’m minimizing my amount of things, there are necessities I need, like a backpack and a watch, so I’m saving for this sweet piece of meat.